Log in

I need to write more

Seriously, I do need to write more in here. I also have a really nice written journal so I feel bad discarding that one but online is nice too.

School started today, my only class was Creative Non-fiction and it was so neat to be among writers. Tomorrow I have Nature Writing, which sounds interesting, Business Communication (for my Marketing minor) and Myth, Symbol, and Allusion (Lit class). I'm also taking an Intro to Sociology class online because if I want to graduate on time I need to take an extra class this semester. So far, graduation date is set for Fall of 2013, it's scary to think about. In about 2 years I'll have a bachelor's degree and be the first in my family to have graduated from college. Ahh!! I'm done with General Ed classes. This semester, 4 out of the 5 classes are all Junior classes, I'm actually a junior and things are moving along. Jeez, this is one of four semesters I have left, it feels far but at the same time so close. It'll definitely be a dream come true and a milestone.

Speaking of dreams and milestones, one of them came true a few months ago. When I started singing on the Worship team, I knew that one day I wanted to sing at our main church which is located in California, call it a base church. Anyway, that's a big church and I knew it'd be scary but I wanted it to happen and this October it did. It was such an amazing experience and I'm thankful that God allowed me to experience that. We participated in a four-day worship event called "Hallelujah Night" (they should add an S in there since it wasn't just one night) and it was definitely a trip that has a special place in my heart. Everyone was so nice too, from the giant house we stayed in, to the other bands participating, to the youth working for God. Here's a recap:

We're going again this year! Whoo! I'm so excited. We also met this really cool guy named Brice who played the bass with us and we've kept in touch with him and become friends. The whole experience was amazing.

I need a new job, I'm still at Chick-Fil-A but I really want to quit, I'm bored and done with it.

Anyway, I'm going to go exercise!
"Don't worry about me and who I fire,
I get what I desire, it's my empire
And yes I call the shots, I am the umpire
I sprinkle holy water upon a vampire"

I've grown to like Nicki Minaj.

Speaking of female rappers, whatever happened to Missy Elliott?

First semester at Metro State is over and I really enjoyed it. Also, it feels cool to be in classes that have to do with your major because you're around people who have the same major and/or are striving toward similar goals. My writing class, for example, was full of aspiring writers. I already registered for the fall but I may make some changes.

Just finished Into the Beautiful North by Luis Alberto Urrea. I was supposed to have it finished a few weeks ago when school was still in session (novel for my Chicano Literature class) but I didn't finish it in time, it's good though so I decided to keep reading it. Just started Jane and the Damned by Janet Mullany. It's exactly what it sounds like, a book about Jane Austen and her adventures as a vampire in 17th century England. Hopefully it's good. I bought it at one of Borders bookstores that was closing down so it was cheap, since everything was 70% off. I bought a bunch more books along with that one with Borders gift cards I got for Christmas.

Anyway, I'm going to bed.

2011 is here!

Happy New Year!

So, 2011 is upon us, my new years resolution is to once again lose weight. I pretty much gained back all the weight I lost, which sucks but I did it once I can do it again. I just really need to get back into a workout routine, that's the one step I need to really kick this beautiful habit back into motion.

I finished reading Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory McGuire and I very much enjoyed it. I haven't seen the Broadway musical but I really want to, although I've heard there are vast differences between the book and the play. I've seen the trailer for the musical and I can already tell it's different. The book was good, had very exquisite prose, and presented an entirely different view of Oz from the one Dorothy gives us in The Wizard of Oz. The Oz in Wicked is a lot darker, very similar to our own world, and presents the infamous wicked witch as Elphaba, someone who, though offensive and pessimistic at times, is simply misunderstood and very much a human. It's dark, kind of funny, and memorable. It's fun to read about when Dorothy finally drops into oz too.

I am now reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I'm only halfway through but it's good so far. I did see the movie with Julie Roberts beforehand, but I liked the movie too.

School is around the corner! I still have to register for classes but my financial aid already came in and I just need to get some last minute stuff organized but I'm continuing my education. I'm excited to go back after the semester off.

I have a fauxhawk now, it was time to change my hair, plus it actually looks good on me :). Also I finally tried a red velvet cupcake and it was to DIE for. Mmm so delicious!

Ooh! I watched Black Swan and it was really good, creepy but interesting and worth the price of the movie ticket. EDIT: I noticed that with the lack of updates over 2010 I forgot to inlcude that I turned 21 in June, I'm an adult now!

Felt like writing.

Wow, I haven't written here in such a long time. What have I been up to? Well..

I took the semester off, my classes in the spring were suffering because I wasn't trying, I didn't have the motivation. I remember talking to an advisor at school and she told me that it sounded like I was depressed, and I guess I was. Anyway, summer came, I passed my classes with average grades, and I was so burned out with school that I didn't care about financial aid or the new semester and I figured taking the semester off wouldn't hurt. I actually miss school now lol. I've already applied for financial aid and I'm going to be going to a school in downtown denver. I'm actually looking forward to it :). I'm also glad not to be going to community college. I loved it while I needed it but it didn't help going back there after Colorado Christian University didn't work out.

What else has happened? I'm in a serious relationship, and man, that'll keep you busy! Met/started dating in February, got into a relationship shortly thereafter, things got serious but we went through a painful break up in early July (and tried the dreadful 'friends' things but it just made everything worse), then got back together in early September and we are still going. Love is awesome and it changes everything.

I went to Guatemala over the summer, it was amazing! I met so much of my family, I saw new places, had new experiences, and I truly loved it. Would love to visit again. The faces of my family there are imprinted into my heart.

Still at chik-fil-a, been there almost a year and a half now.

Worship team has been awesome, of course we've had our bumps but everything works out when we listen to God about how to resolve things.

You know, visiting Guatemala this year, being in a relationship, meeting new people here and there has just made me learn about myself this year. At one point this year I felt so far from God and was so broken and weighed down that I honestly considered maybe leaving everything behind, I never thought I'd be there. Being at the point where I wasn't walking forward anymore but struggling to crawl forward, I wondered whether it was worth it to keep going, to do God's will, to keep my faith. It was so incredible because God is the one who's given me true happiness, reason, peace, love, salvation, and life, and I just didn't know how to keep going despite all of that. Of course God took care of me, as he still does and always will. After all, the bible says "Come to me all ye who are weary and labored, and I will give you rest", it's those close moments where I think Satan rejoices and thinks he's won, that he got you to turn your back on God for good. But my God is so powerful and so loving that He would never give up on me or turn his back on me. How then, could I leave Him? If He is the one who gave me reason for living, who gave me everything that is good. Also, had I reconsidered my faith and decided to leave, where would I go? God didn't rescue me from anything good. What would I go back to? If there is an emptiness inside me that only He can fill, with all His majesty, love, and immensity, where would I fill that space? It is impossible to live without God and be happy.

Well, I'm gonna go read. I'm currently reading Wicked, and it's good stuff! Later :).

"tell the swine we will make it out alive"

Break-ups suck. Big time. In the words of Bella Swan:

"it's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest."

I could have married you. I wish life was simpler.

God is the only one who can help me at the moment. And even then I reject his hand sometimes, wishing it was someone else's hand.

But I will survive this, and God will be right by my side through this despair.

Please pray for me.

still here.

I'm still here, sorry I haven't updated in so long.


But I'm still here.


I need to lose weight again, I've gained most of the weight back that I fought hard to lose, it kind of sucks. But today I didn't binge so it's a start, now I need to get around to working out.

The youth group meetings have been going good, myself and my helper included there were 11 of us that came. There's still 2 more teens I've got to get to come that are from our church. Oh yeah, I'm a youth leader now, my parents gave me the green-light back in October and we've been having the youth nights every 2 weeks on monday nights. It's another night of volunteer work but I enjoy it. I've thought about it and honestly, after graduation (whenever that's going to be) I want to work in church full-time, I had all these corporate career plans and goals but my dreams have changed in the past year. I'm a worship leader and I love it, I LOVE it so much, I get to sing to God, I get to lead worship, I get to use my talent for the Lord. I love Jesus and I also love music and this is the area that combines both of them and I lose myself in it. I'm literally excited for sundays to come around because that's when we worship live. As of right now I only sing (and I finally know how to harmonize! I studied for months and now I'm discovering how to harmonize in most songs, and without using a piano to lead me!) but I want to play the acoustic guitar and I also would like to learn to play the bass some day. I would love to become a professional worship pastor someday and devote myself to making music for God. I never thought I'd be involved in church in the music area. I'd also like to stay in the youth area and help reach out to teens who need God. It's funny how you make all these plans for yourself and then God calls you to something else and what's more is you want to ditch your old plans and follow God's will. I mean, thinking about it there is still something appealing about advertising and being a top executive and making great money while wearing armani suits but I love worship soooo much. Plus, I still plan to write and it would be cool if my career in the next few years was Worship Leader/Writer. I've actually been working on my novel :).

Well I'm tired, I'll see ya later, Night!

"It's your love that has saved me"

I hate updating only once a month but I've been a busy man.

School's back on! I'm excited, I got a new backpack and everything :D. Even Political Science seems like it's going to be interesting. Lit 1 & 2 I'm really looking forward to. Math...well, math is math..not exactly my favorite subject....oh well. I've got to make new friends this semester because I don't really know anyone. Regina & Renee transferred at the same time I did (except I had to come back) and they were the constant people I socialized with. I wonder if Austin still visits once in a while.

As far as books and movies go, I finished Eclipse a few weeks ago. It was really good! Was it as good as New Moon? Hmm, I'm not sure. As far as the saga goes, I think this is the order from best to last:
1) New Moon (I'd give it a 9/10)
2) Eclipse (8/10)
3) Twilight (7/10)

I've yet to read Breaking Dawn, partly because I'm trying to focus more on my school work and BD is over 700 pages. Also, because Bella Swan's world is so mystifying, I'm going to miss it as soon as I turn the last page. Of course, I can always read Twilight again :). After that, I was thirsty (no pun intended) for some more teen vampire books, so I read a book called High School Bites by Liza Conrad, it was alright, very teeny-bopper but pretty funny. Currently, I've decided to reread Anne Frank: The diary of a young girl. The first time I read it was in 8th grade so I'm sure I'll have a different understanding of it now.

I just got back from the movies, I saw New Moon again. That's the 3rd time I've seen it in theaters. Obsessed? Maybe. But it was at the $3 theater in the neighborhood so I decided what the heck. I've also seen, Zombieland (2nd time, at the same cheap theater), Daybreakers (I really liked it! Cool vampire movie, and despite my mysticism with twilight, it was a nice break from Stephanie Meyer's idea of vampires, such as they sparkle in the sunlight and have reflections and lack fangs), Tooth Fairy (it was actually pretty good), Avatar (saw this opening weekend but it's been such a huge movie that I had to include it in here).

My dad's been in the hospital since friday, he was sick again, considering how bad he looked last time I've tried to stay on the positive side. I couldn't help but cry the day he went into the hospital, he didn't see of course, it was during a prayer we were saying for him during the worship rehearsal that I broke down. It was seeing him in a hospital gown, and having to pick up his car with my mom and brother, and bringing clothes back from the hospital that just made me feel bad. He's okay though, he's due back home soon, he said that they might let him come back tomorrow. I pray for the best.

Well, I have to finish up some homwork so I'll see ya later. Good night!

"Arise and be all that you've dreamed"

Wow, 2010 is upon us, can you believe it's been a decade into the millenium already? I recieved the new year in an awesome way. There was a late-night service at church and it was amazing, God's presence was almost tangible, the ambience just felt so thick, I could hardly contain myself. There was worship, followed by a 10-minute lesson, then a special with a pianist playing/singing, followed by another 10-minute lesson, and then prayer and goals for the new year. That's when God's presence really came down, He is so glorious, so beautiful, there are not enough words to describe his majesty. It was so endearing to recieve the new year bathed in his annointing, we call and He answers. Afterward everyone went around hugging each other and then we all ate! It was a great night.

Other than that, school's been out, thank God. I recieved my very first F, I'm retaking political science in the spring because I failed that class, mostly because I didn't do anything or turn anything in. But I got a B in creative writing, yay! I loved that class. I'm never going to take all my classes online in the same semester, it was a disaster. I also failed Western Civ, for the same reason as Poli Sci. I probably would have gotten an A in Creative Writing if it hadn't been an online class. Oh well, I'll learn from this. I'm looking forward to the spring semester though, the classes I've signed up for in the spring are:

~American Literature I- This one I'm taking online, but only because it's only being offered online this semester. It shouldn't be too bad though, because I love english classes.
~American Literature II- Yes, I'm taking two Lit classes this semester, hopefully it's not too much, but this class is with one of my favorite teachers ever, so I HAD to take it. I took English Composition II and Intro to Litertaure with her, her name's Courtney Edwards, she's awesome.
~College Algrebra- My last math class ever, wish me luck!
~Intro to Political Science- I need to ace this class, I will! Political Science has never been my thing but I hope this class is interesting.

One thing about being on break is that I have time to read! I just love to get my hands on a couple of books and dive in. So, to go along with the pop culture mania surrounding it, I've been reading the twilight saga. I finished reading Twilight in November and I liked it, although I think I enjoyed the movie more, which I've seen like 10 times (I know, I was sucked in, it put its fangs right in me and I liked it!). I also watched New Moon and really liked it, I've already seen it twice in theaters and I read the book in a few weeks. As far as the books go, I loved New Moon, it was better than twilight because we get to see the werewolves and this whole other secluded yet elite side of the vampire world with the Volturi. As far as movies go, I think I liked twilight a little better. I'm now reading Eclipse and I have to admit, I am really into this. It's weird because I'm not a 14-year old girl but I really like the series for some reason. I'm only 50 pages into Eclipse but I'm trying to pick it up every chance I can, and I started Eclipse the same night I finished New Moon. I have to wait til the summer for the movie but I'm already excited :).

Christmas was pretty cool, I spent it with the family and we exchanged a few gifts. I got a pair of black leather gloves, a Broncos scarf (which I LOVE), a cd-carrier, and a chocolate bar haha. Also, as a present to myself, I bought the new Flyleaf album Memento Mori and wow, Flyleaf really knows what they're doing, it's a great album. I've been listening to it non-stop, it's really good.

Well, I'm going to bed, good night and Happy new year!

Dear Life, give me a break.

These past few months have been trying. Let's see, shall we?

-I was so excited for school to start this semester because I was transferring to Colorado Christian University. A week in, and I have to drop out, I was seriously crushed. Every time I drive by that street I just look at the school and sigh.

-That same weekend that I moved back home, turns out my dad was seriously ill and that we were losing him. I actually thought we were going to lose him for a while, I've never had to picture attending a parents funeral before I've graduated, before I'm married, before he's had the chance to be a grandpa. I hated that weekend.

-What classes I got into at the last minute when I rushed to Red Rocks Community College, I've been failing. I just haven't had the discipline to actually do my work. Classes end this week, thank God, I can't wait to start over next semester.

-I'm on the verge of getting fired at Chik-Fil-A. The managers there are awesome and I've been doing such a bad job. Arriving late a bunch of times, and I accidentally missed a shift yesterday. One of the managers told me that if I was late one more time I'd be fired, so when I slept right through my alarm and woke up at 11:20 (My shift started at 11), I was so scared to even call because I had remebered that manager's warning. Also, I assumed that if I called anyway to say that I'd be there by at 11:45, I'd be fired for being late. It became a huge mess yesterday, two different managers called during the day and left messages because I didn't want to answer, they were asking if I was alright and wondering what had happened. I finally got a call from the main manager and I talked him. Explained the whole stupid situation to him and for some reason, I started crying on the phone while I was talking to him. He said I have one last chance but that my hours are going to be cut due to this situation, and he told me that if I didn't want to work there that was fine but I should have the respect to give them notice. I only work 8 hours this week. I'm actually going to start looking for a new job, I'm looking to get back into being a server, money was way better. As much as I love Chik-Fil-A, money hasn't been great at all. I've been making half of what I used to and working almost twice as hard.

-On the worship team, we've lost our bass player and 2nd pianist. The bass player I don't have any remorse for, he's stood us up during two times that we played outside of church and the last straw was that we played in a concert and he didn't show up, that was his 3rd time. He came to the rehearsal and everything and the day came and he was nowhere to be seen. He wouldn't answer his phone at all either. It was half an hour before we were supposed to go on and still no sign when it hit me that he wasn't coming. It was frustrating but we played anyway and had a great time. The 2nd pianist I do feel bad about, I've been a lot harder on him than on other members of the group but it's been because he's really lazy, he's disrespectful, he's immature, he's irresponsible, and there's been more bad than good from him during his short time with us. And I'm describing an adult, a married adult with a kid. It sounds like I'm describing one of the teens on our team but they've actually been my strongest ones. My brother's on the drums (17) and our friend on lead piano (16) and they've really stuck in there. I'm proud of both of them. The reason I feel bad is because there were a few times that he was actually nice, and outside of the worship team, he wasn't a bad person. After thinking about it though, I did make some mistakes in how I treated him but I don't feel like it's such a bad thing thats he's leaving. Like I said, the cons outweighed the pros.

I need God, I need prayer, I feel like I've broken down because of everything but I have to pick myself back up, I know with God's help that I can. Goshdarn it, I'm going to go listen to happy music and buy myself a chalupa from taco bell, even though it's FREEZING outside, later!