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Hey Hey Hey!

I haven't been able to update nearly as much as I want to, I'm just crazy busy right now but don't worry, I'm still here. In the meanwhile, I'll leave you with a video of awesome worship:

This has an awesome finale!!

Also, next friday is our Hallelujah Night concert! WHOO-HOO!

I'm still here!

Wow, I haven't written an actual entry in forever, my last update was in July, it's now October! Well, I have plenty to write about, I've just been really busy. Some awesome stuff has happened but also some bad, but let's start with the good:

The Worship Team:
There was one bad incident in May that ended with the loss of our lead pianist, our guitarist, and for the most part our music director. It was a really hard blow that led to more problems and unimaginable drama that almost destroyed the Worship team but we solved our differences and have been taking a slow but sure step forward. The one that hurt me the most was the pianist leaving, his name's Jesus but I just call him by his nickname 'Smarty', because I played a hand in his departure, the guitarist followed and the music director still helps us out a bit but not like he used to, but the guitarist is his son so I understand him to some extent. Anyway, I've never stopped thinking about Smarty, and despite the fact that he forgave me for what I said and how I treated him that awful night (Him and I call it 'black thursday' now) and I forgave him for what he had been doing and saying, I still felt guilty deep down. He left in May, and this whole time part of me has been secretly hoping and even kind of feeling that he'd come back, not just to play in the band but to church and to back to my family. Smarty's only 15 and up until the point where he left he was almost living with us, spending 3 or 4 days out of the week sleeping over at our house, and he'd always bring his younger brother along and when he left, even our home felt a bit empty. In late July I was driving with my mom and I don't remember how but Smarty came up in the conversation, but he did and I told her that part of me felt like he was still going to come back, and I came up with a plan in case he did come back, that I'd talk to him and tell him to just chill like 2 weeks without playing in the worship team and ease on in, and she told me that my dad had told her pretty much the same thing. I thought that was awesome and a little crazy but it gave me hope. Also, a few days before a friend of my brother's who knows Smarty told us that he had asked for our phone number one night because he had lost it, that to me was another sign. Then a week later a few church members decided to go up to the mountains and pray and worship God and while praying for the church and the different departments, my dad stopped and said that he felt from God that we should all put Smarty in prayer, so we prayed hard over him, that God would take care of him wherever he was and that food and shelter would be provided for him when he needed it. You see, he has a home and he has a dad but the dad's gone a lot and he doesn't have a mom, and he's had problems in the past that have affected his upbringing and life in general. The prayer at the mountain was another sign, then about another week passed and that's when it happened. It was a friday night and we were bringing up groceries from the car, and we were at the door waiting for my dad because he had the key and we were wondering what was taking him so long, I told my mom he was probably talking to someone on the phone and he was, he finally came up the stairs and told us he had just talked to Smarty. At first my mom and I were like "what?? What did he say?", my brother was just indifferent, and my dad told us that Smarty had said that he wanted to come to church on sunday and that if we could give him a ride. FYI, my brother and I went to Six Flags the next day, just wanted to include in my entry that we went to a theme park this summer! Anyway, sunday came and I always go in my car with my brother to start setting up for the worship team so my dad picked him up. We finished setting up and I saw him and I went to greet him and gave him a half hug. I was so glad to see him. The service started and we worshipped and then the announcements came, among them we always announce new arrivals and my dad announced him and to our big suprise, announced that Smarty was going to be taking a break for about 2 weeks and that afterwards he'd be rejoining the band. I was delighted! We talked after the service and he ended up spending the night at our house, my brother, him, and I actually talked on well into the night, it was 3 am, and then 4 am, and then 5 am, and then we joked about going to Denny's and decided to do it and we went there and ate breakfast and kept talking. We got home at around 7 am and then went to bed, it was an awesome night. Anyway, he's been back on the worship team for almost two months now and things have been good. Glory be to God of course, this team is in his holy hands, our lives are in his hands, I am in his hands.

Hallelujah Night!
- My church is having our first Hallelujah night and it's going to be an awesome night! We never do anything for Halloween but we decided to throw it out this year and things are coming along nicely, it's mostly going to be a night of worship because our worship team is going to play, and we have two other bands coming to play that night. One is called Codigo, I haven't heard a lot about them but they're from Dallas so it'll be a treat to have them play here, also the main band is called Conexion, they're a band from Colorado but they're actually getting famous and have a lot of followers, so that night's going to be kind of a big deal, our main objective though is to pull other teens in and let them know Jesus is amazing and how his love is so grand that he was willing to pay the heavy price to make the way for us to return to our Creator, everyone's invited but it's going to be a youth-centered night. I have to pray about it to make it official but I'm really thinking of becoming a youth leader, I really feel like God is calling me in that area. We haven't had anyone active in that area since January, our youth pastor started tripping and we had to let him go, but no one's stepped in since then and I get along with our youth and I actually talk with some of them, like really talk and some of them seek me for advice on teenage matters. Hallelujah night is to start pulling our youth in as well, I can't wait!

Now for some bad stuff...

I had to drop out of school. *sighs* Major bummer. I moved out of my parents place and into Colorado Christian University, I lived there for about a week and I really enjoyed myself. I was going to classes already, I was trying to get involved, I was meeting new people and having fun and then some of my loans were denied, and I was short like half of my tuition. We tried an alternative loan so that I could take the loans out myself but since I'm young I needed a co-signer to complete it and I don't know anyone with good credit or that wants to sign, the last option was to pay for it myself, but it's 15,000 bucks, how was I going to pay that? My family certainly didn't have the money for that and the payment plan was 1000 per month with 2000 up front. So I talked to the financial director and we brainstormed different options to avoid me having to leave the university. We thought about maybe taking half my classes at the community college and half at the university or maybe taking all of them at the community college and just live on campus and stay involved or maybe even living off campus and trying different meal plans but at the end of the day we realized it wasn't in my budget to stay in school. So I had to take the hard decision and drop out. I sold back my books, I de-registered from my classes, I packed up my stuff, turned in my key, and moved out. It sucked. I actually cried when I got in my car and just parked faraway and had to stop because I was bawling my eyes out. Mannn, but I gotta keep my head up and know that everything happens for a reason, and that God has a plan for me, even if it involves hard times. I'm taking classes at the community college, I really don't want to take the semester or the year off, so I'm jumping into some late start classes. They actually start on monday!

My dad got sick, seriously sick, I moved back into my parents house that weekend that I dropped out of school and realized my dad was seriously ill. You know that your parents have to die someday but that day always seems faraway and that it happens after everything has been accomplished. But watching my dad and seeing how much pain he was in and how down he seemed, it was awful. And for a while I actually thought we were going to lose him, and that got me thinking about the aftermath if that were to happen right now and I don't even know how I would deal, I can't imagine life without my dad right now. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. We did some major praying though, and he's doing a lot better now, thank God. He's doing well :).

Anyway, this entry's long! I'll update a next time with more. Later!

Uh oh....

Oh no....

Oh jeez....it must be the end of the world...

because I finally watched the movie Twilight....

and I liked it!

Oh man.... *tries to resist temptation to read the book and get excited for the new movie because he knows it will ultimately result in sex change*


My life as of lately.

I haven't written a real entry in a while. The last one I wrote was mostly to vent because of some drama that has been happening. Anyway, here's an update about my life lately:

My family and I moved a few weeks ago, out of the house and back into an apartment, and not just any apartment, an apartment in a not so pretty apartment complex on a very hot and busy/crowded boulevard. *sighs* People in the neighborhood where the house was were such racists, and even the landlords, can't believe people still get away with crap like that. Oh well, God will provide a better place for us. Plus, there are some perks to living on Federal Boulevard; It's a very ethnic street and there's TONS of hispanic, vietnamese, chinese restaurants. Plus, there's two boba smoothie places within a few blocks! Mmm boba drinks are sooo good. Ooh and there's a 24 hour drive thru mexican place that serves AMAZING burritos a few blocks from here.

I got a job! YES! *Victory dance* I was hired at Chik-Fil-A, I'm going to be a cashier. I'm training all this week. It seems like a pretty fun place to work, all the people and managers are nice, and it's suprisingly Christian. Pretty much all the managers there are christian, a lot of the employees are christian (not mandatory haha) and even the Chik-Fil-A owners are christian. Their mission statement actually mentions glorifying God and it's closed on sundays. Yay, fits me perfectly! I don't have to worry about working sundays anymore, yay. Plus, I get a free meal every time I work a shift. Mmm, food. Thank God for my job, and thanks to people on here who kept me in their prayers.

Worship Team has been having major problems, literally backstabbing and gossip and just malice, it upsets me. Please pray for this. I am so sick of worrying about it and I'm leaving it in God's hands. Our second pianist is getting married this saturday and we're going to be playing at the wedding, still to glorify God though :).

I got a ticket in may because I was driving without insurance and I was sent to court, my court date was last thursday and I got a $500 fee for not having insurance. Ughhh, giant bummer. Oh well, at least I actually have a job to pay for it now.

I watched a really cool Japanese movie called Sakuran. It's about oiran, a young girl gets sold to a brothel and makes her way up the ranks and becomes the highest ranked oiran in yoshiwara. She battles love, bitter rivalry between the other courtesans, and the strict rules of the brothel/district she was sold to. The movie was made from a manga. I've read the manga and it was very interesting, it ended much differently than the movie though. Without giving too much away, the movie had a bit of a cliche ending and the manga had a bitter but more realistic ending. Both the manga and the movie are very recommended though!

I've started reading Memories of my Melancholy Whores by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, so far it's pretty good. The last Garcia Marquez book I read was Love in the Time of Cholera, and while I liked it I thought it was overrated.

Ooh, this Blindside song I'm listening to is very soothing.

Good night!

"Evil eyes behind their smiles"

Back stabber

And you're such a back stabber
And you're such a back stabber
And you're such a back stabber."

Rotten Apples, Snakes, Judas Iscariot, Fools and their folly.

Man, people suck.

"Red lights of betrayal, deceived again
Exposed by the light, true colors ascend".

My 20th birthday!

Happy Birthday to me! I'm 20!! I'm officially an adult....how crazy! My birthday was on Tuesday, it was great. I slept in and saved my appetite for a big birthday dinner, then I showered and dressed up and went out with my family. More than anything, I love spending time with family on birthdays. Being with friends is cool too though. We were thinking about eating at the restaurant that we ate at last year (Wasabi) because it was really awesome food but I woke up with a huge craving for Red Lobster, strange I know. So we ended up spending my birthday at Red Lobster and it was actually nice. I hadn't eaten there since I quit and going in and seeing familiar faces was good, I hadn't seen my friend Jayson in person since I quit, same with a few others and I realized how much I missed them. I even still remember the table numbers and their locations in that restaurant...for a second I actually kind of missed working there, but it was mostly because I miss seeing those people. Despite that though, I don't regret quitting, I mean I missed it right now but I remember how happy I was when I gave my two weeks and how much I came to HATE working there. Plus, it'd be embarassing to go back, I would have to be extremely desperate to go back there. Anyway, one of the nice managers was on and she told me to pick a desert on the house (corporate took away free birthday deserts a few years ago, I remember one of my tables having a FIT over that one time), and the food there's awesome so I had a pleasant experience. Afterwards we went to the movies and Land of the Lost was coming up so we watched that. Will Ferrell is hilarious! The movie itself was alright, it was funny though. And the commercials make it seem like a kids movie but it's definitely not. After the movies we went home. I had a relaxing birthday, everything went smooth. Wow, still can't believe I'm 20 now...

There's other stuff I want to update about but I'm tired, I'm going to bed. Night.
The job hunt continues, I applied/interviewed at a restaurant at an aquarium in downtown Denver today. It seems like a cool place and I really hope I get this job so PLEAAAASE pray for me! I think the interview went well, the lady who interviewed me really liked a lot of my answers to the questions presented and I smiled/kept eye contact most of the time. There were a ton of people applying there though, which is what scares me, and the lady even told me they had a slew of people the day before (the ad's been posted for 2 days). I hadn't realized truly how many people are out of jobs and looking for one. I gave myself the luxury of quitting, which I don't regret but I didn't think there'd be that many people currently unemployed. Still, keep me in your prayers!

I want to learn to play the guitar. I think it'd be a very neat addition to worship God with. That way I can sing and play an instrument. I tried learning the piano a few years ago and it didn't work out. The guitar is different though, I can actually see myself learning how to play one. I'm leaning towards the acoustic just so I can play at any time, despite the fact that I've heard acoustic is harder to learn on than the electric. Plus, I can also compose songs that way. Lately, I've been trying my hand at writing lyrics for songs to glorify God but I haven't created an actual song yet. I always edit my work too because I wouldn't like lyrics that are only 'okay'. I want those lyrics and melodies to be great because they're for God. I also want the Holy Spirit to inspire me so I can write something meaningful. I don't know if I should learn this summer or just wait til later in the year.

I dropped my summer class, partly because I wanted to enjoy the summer but also because I didn't have the money for it. Oh well, I'll just take a class next summer. I should probably start looking at fall classes...

I realized a few days ago that in a couple of days I'm going to be 20! My birthday's on the 9th. I'm officially going to be an adult, scary but kind of exciting.

I was watching a documentary on msnbc called Children for Sale and it was just...AWFUL. It's a recent MSNBC documentary going behind closed door and looking at the despicable world of child sex traffic. It explained that due to extreme poverty some families resort to selling their kids to brothels as sex slaves in order to survive. It showed small, poor towns in Cambodia that have brothels with children in them, some as young as 5 years old. Oh man, it's just horrible to think about. It started with more known brothels selling teenage girls then it went really underground where there are places only heard of where they have so many kids up for prostitution and the horrible pimps/keepers who sell them to perverts, some proudly announcing to potential customers that some of these girls are virgins (of course 8 year olds are going to be virgins...). I hate anything to do with rape and exploitation, and when children are involved it's just unspeakable. The human rights group involved in the investigation was able to rescue almost 40 girls during a raid but word spread and many brothels were empty as soon as the raid got to them. *sighs* We live in such a screwed up world, it's really heartbreaking and terrible to think about all the twisted crime that happens underground or behind closed doors.

Well, I'm going to bed. Good night.

It's been a while...

It's been a while since my last update, but I've just been bobbing around since school has been out, enjoying my free time. But here's stuff that I've been up to:

I've been going to the movies with my brother, one week we watched X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which was ALRIGHT. It certainly wasn't great by any means but it was okay, mostly though it was cheesy and somewhat disappointing. Gambit made an appearance but he was in the movie for a total of like 7 minutes so it was a waste. And since when are Wolverine and Sabretooth brothers?!?!? It just seems like they pulled out a bunch of stuff out of thin air for the sake of another X-men movie. Ughhh, oh well.

I also watched Terminator: Salvation! This was an awesome movie, the only thing that leaves you wishing it were different was the ending, it wasn't bad but honestly, it didn't solve anything in the Terminator story. Regardless, it brought forth some interesting new ideas to the table and some really cool new robots. The only trace of Sarah Connor is her voice on the tapes she has left for John Connor. There's also a suprise cameo in the movie.

I kind of want to check out Drag Me To Hell, just because it looks like it might be cheesy, gory, over the top, B-movie fun. Afterall, it's from Sam Raimi, we'll see.

Today I had my tire replaced for free, thank God. I had a flat tire a while ago so my parents gave me 20 bucks to get it repaired at least, but they did it for free because of some certificate I purchased last time I was there. With the spare 20 bucks I headed over to Mardel and bought the new Hillsong United album Across the Earth: Tear Down the Walls. I haven't heard all of the songs yet but there's some I love, such as the title song Tear Down the Walls, it's amazing and so deep. Hillsong and Hillsong United have been coming out with a new album each year for the last few years now, there's a new Hillsong live album coming out in July, I'm excited for that one. I also bought some food with the rest of the money.

I went to a job interview today (I've been job hunting), it was at a restaurant called Houston's on cherry creek. They told me that they would let me know tomorrow whether I got the job or not, here's praying and hoping I do.

I also went to Juan's house today, he's a 14 year old guy who goes to my church who comes to me to talk about life, problems, etc. The tire replacement place was 2 blocks away from his house so I just went over and I ate with him and we talked. He was asking me what's a good thing about staying a virgin besides spiritual reasons, since christians abstain from sex until marriage, and I wasn't sure of what to tell him so I gave him the STD's reason haha. He had this sex instruction book and we were looking over the STD section and even I was disgusted, did you know there's no cure for genital warts??? That's sad and gross. That is a good reason though, STD's are common nowadays and it's so gross how easy they spread. Besides that I just told him that God's plan is for us to experience sex in marriage because he wants us to experience something meaningful and with someone we love, not just every time you feel like dropping your pants. He took that into consideration too.

OH, I saw the stunt Sacha Baron Cohen pulled at the MTV movie awards dressed up as Bruno, when he landed on Eminem and Eminem was so infuriated that he walked out. It's pretty funny, look it up on youtube.

Also, Chelsea Lately is one of my new favorite tv shows. I've literally spent hours on youtube watching old episodes, she's SO funny!

Anyway, I'm tired. I'm heading off to bed. Good night!


It's been a while since I last made a real update! Some good stuff has happened, some bad stuff has happened. Let's start with the good:

My family and I moved into a house! It's kind of small (bigger than our old apartment though) but at least it's a house, we were tired as heck of living in apartments. And despite it's size, it's actually quite nice. Even the ambience is soothing. We have a front yard with trees, a backyard with trees and a covered eating space, and the neighborhood is nice and quiet. No more having to listen to drunken brawls at 2 in the morning or the people living upstairs making so much noise, it's just us now :).

My good friend Jordan sent me a message, telling me that he's sorry it's been forever since we hung out or even talked, I hope we hang out now that it's the summer.

Oh yeah, SCHOOL'S OUT! Praise the Lord! I was burning out pretty badly towards the end but it's over now, yes! I signed up for a summer class (History of Western Civ) but I don't know if I'm actually going to go through with it, I might just drop it and enjoy the summer. Those last few days were killer, paper after paper, project after project, but now I'm free! I think a little Alice Cooper is appropriate right now, "Schooooooool's out for summer!", haha. I got my grades too:

-Intro to Literature: A
. this class wasn't bad, it had its projects here and there but it was kind of easy.
-Survey of Algebra: A. yay! I love getting As in math, I just have to take one more math class and I'm done with math FOREVER. I've heard the next class is a big pain though (College algebra, that is).
-Intro to Philosophy: B. Eh, I was hoping for an A but those tests were kind of challenging, I probably would have gotten a C but I turned in an extra credit paper on Plato's Allegory of the cave. This class wasn't as fun as I thought it was going to be, going to class was a major drag here sometimes but I got a decent grade so it's all good.
-Theatre Appreciation: B. What happened here? I was so sure I was going to get an A, this class was probably the easiest one out of the four. I did have a very low A towards the end though, and I missed a couple of days because it was easy to make up the work I had missed, oh well. At least I didn't get anything below a C, which is awesome!

Now, for some bad news. There's been major problems with the Worship Team. We're all praying hard so that God is with us and that all the problems are sorted out. The first problem began with our pianist. Everything was going well and then he started flaking on us. We were supposed to play at a late-night service one night and he called to say he couldn't make it because his hand hurt, so we let him off the hook but our music director pulled us out of the service completely, so a pastor we know who also plays/sings in a worship team filled in for us. That was on a friday night, sunday rolled around and we were playing at another church in the morning and same thing, no pianist, but we went on anyway. Our church, which is in the afternoon, was having a kids service that day so a band made up of kids played instead of us. Next week rolls around, our pianist calls and says he'll see us at the morning church service. So that sunday comes up, their service starts at 10:00, it's 10:02 and the pianist is nowhere to be seen. So we went on again without him. We were wondering if he was going to show up to our service to play and he didn't show up for that either. Didn't even bother to call to say he wasn't going to show for either service. We were all shocked at how irresponsible he was being. A few days later, he calls to ask if there's going to be a rehearsal, didn't even apologize for any of the other stuff. There wasn't going to be rehearsal so we told him no. Sunday rolls around again, and once again, no show. Our music director decided to call him and talk to him face to face, and he wasn't fooling around, he said everything cut and clean to our pianist. I then find out from a friend of his who's also my friend that he's been saying some pretty nasty things about our church and the band and even about the time he's spent over at my house. When I heard this I was FURIOUS. We've worked with him very hard to supply him with piano lessons, shelter, food and he was throwing that in our faces?? I was fuming! So, last week came around and the music director called a meeting with the entire worship team to talk about stuff. First he let us know that we won't be playing at the morning church anymore, he says it's better that we focus on our church service right now since we're still kind of new at everything. Then he addressed the whole pianist issue, and the pianist said that he was sorry and that he wanted to continue with us but I was still pissed off. After the meeting was over I said I wanted to talk to the director and pianist in private. We all talked and basically I brought everything to the light, including the crap he had been talking about. Honestly, I was so angry that I forgot everything in the moment and the anger overpowered me and I basically ripped the pianist to shreds with my words and he left there fuming too. I said what I needed to say but I didn't act like a leader in that moment, I acted like the biggest jerk because he admitted to saying all those things and kept apologizing but I was too angry to care and I basically crushed him. The director talked to me afterwards and told me that what I did wasn't okay. The director said that he understood why I was angry and that the pianist was wrong too but that I, being the worship leader, should know how to act with these situations and that I didn't take into consideration that he was actually apologizing and that all I went in there for was to rip him to pieces. The next day was the rehearsal and I showed up feeling good because I had prayed and asked God for forgiveness and knew that I was going to have to fix things with the pianist. Unfortunately, the director gave us some bad news, the pianist wasn't going to be playing with us anymore and neither was the guitarist. I was crushed. And the whole rehersal was just so...sad. The atmosphere just felt heavy with sorrow and I could tell that the director was feeling like crap.

I was so depressed the next day. I got up and went out into the backyard and just drew in my sketchbook to distract myself but I was so down I felt awful. I knew everything was my fault because the director also said that the guitarist was somewhat affected from my situation with the pianist. I basically not only destroyed the pianist but gave him the option to leave the group and the church. Things were bad. I finally couldn't take it and I started crying, but while my tears ran I knew that the devil was happy this was happening to the worship team. I've always been told that the worship team is also battling against Satan and his demons because they're bringing worship to the Almighty and leading the church in worship also. Also, if you notice, you can almost say that the devil was a worship leader in heaven before he became who he is today. Of course, worship teams are going to piss him off. After I stopped crying I knew I had to fix things and I knew I needed God's help with this entire thing, so I got to work. I talked with the pianist personally and apologized because I knew I treated him like a piece of crap. And he accepted and he said he understands, so we're good now. It wasn't even about him coming back to play with us, it was about the fact that I treated a human like trash and even went as far as basically kick them out of church, and I know that's not okay with God. He's still a person, he has a soul and God loves all his children. Jesus would have handled the situation differently so I knew I had to fix my mistakes. Anyway, things are getting resolved now and they're going a lot better. I've finally been able to sleep with peace in my heart, everything is going to be okay because God is with us.

Anyway, this entry's already really long so I'll leave it at that. Good night :D.

Where have I been?!?!?

Excuse the mini-hiatus! My family and I moved over the weekend and have been without internet access. Also, this is the weekend before finals so I'm going to bury myself in schoolwork, probably until school ends, which is next Tuesday (the 12th). Hope everyone is doing well. See ya later.